The Green Knight
A Knight’s Very Weird Tale
The Green Knight is a fantasy adventure based on the Arthurian legend of Sir Gawain. Gawain was King Arthur’s stubborn and reckless nephew who sets out on a quest to slay the Green Knight and ultimately prove his worth and character not only to himself but to his family and kingdom as well.
When he first meet Gawain, played by Dev Patel, he comes across as the typical fuckboy without a care in the world. Then we find out he is royalty or at least related to royalty and heir to the throne. He actually seems bored until the Green Knight crashes dinner one night with a challenge. Basically, anyone who can maim any part of him will save the kingdom yet in one year he will come to reclaim the same body part from that person. Well, Gawain decides to go straight for the head and succeeds. Dumbass should have gone for a hand, especially when everyone knew it was a setup from the beginning…IJS. In any case, instead of taking Tim McGraw’s advice to live like he was dying he decides to go find the Knight early and beat him at his own game. What ensues next is one of the most painfully boring and weird movies I’ve ever sat through.
This movie got drunk like Taylor Swift and wasted all of its potential from the excellent cast, Dev Patel, Alicia Vikander, and Joel Edgerton to the story itself. I think I understood where it was going or at least trying to go, but it hit a dead end. David Lowery could have told the same story with even some of the same quirk without all of the bore. The movie took itself way too seriously and forgot about the adventure part. It desperately needed to pick a struggle. Be weird or boring but not both because the only thing it succeeded at was the boring part. I did something I rarely do in movies and that is I fell asleep. I was mad when I woke up because I hadn’t missed more of the movie. It actually seemed to be in the same place as when I fell asleep…SPOILER ALERT: It wasn’t.
I am not going to go on & on about how bad this movie was. That’s a waste of precious valuable time and I wasted enough of that simply by watching this movie. Just know that I took one for the team so you don’t have to…Like EVER…Not even for free on Netflix, Hulu, basic cable…Please spare yourself and do anything else in the world. And yes for the record I like this movie even less than Mulan.
Ratings 1.25🍿/5🍿
The Green Knight
Director: David Lowery
Writer: David Lowery
Starring: Dev Patel; Alicia Vikander; Joel Edgerton
Movie-/ Rating - R (violence, graphic nudity, and messy sexuality)
Run Time: 130min (2 hr. 10 min
Where To Watch: In Theaters/VOD
